You’ve been in this situation before. Someone in your circle has come to you with an idea. They explain it in full detail and have heaps of enthusiasm about it. During their pitch you start to feel less than impressed about the idea. When their pitch finally comes to a close they ask for your opinion. Rather than expressing your true thoughts, you reply with “It’s great” in an attempt to not hurt anyone’s feelings. Congratulations on your validation seeking behavior!
Oh did you think the person asking for your opinion was seeking validation? It’s possible that they wanted some level of validation. It could be that they greatly lookup to you, and value your opinion
You on the other hand jumped to the next level of validation seeking. Instead of telling the truth you softened your stance and told a lie. You didn’t want to let the other person down. What if you hurt their feelings? I get it. You would rather lie, gain approval and feel bad for yourself. I’ve been there and done that.
There are many scenarios that constitute validation seeking behavior. Softening your stance is just one example.
Here are three reasons why you need to stop seeking validation now:
1.You appear insecure
Those that seek validation are afraid to state their opinions. They become a human rug for those they engage in through personal or business relationships. This level of insecurity is palpable to anyone that spends five minutes with a validation seeker. Insecurity is seen as weakness and this will immediately push you into the subordinate role in any social interaction.
“It’s insecurity that is always chasing you and standing in the way of your dreams.” – Vin Diesel
2. It makes you look needy
“Did you notice my new haircut?” You’ve heard that from a friend, family member, or coworker at some point in your life. While you may have noticed the change, you didn’t feel compelled to mention it. Assuming you respond with “Yes I did”, you can always expect the validation seeker to expect more. They will often smile, look you in the eyes and say “Do you like it?” as they wait for a compliment.
Don’t be this person. Stop seeking validation on every little change you make in your life. There are going to be many times where you slip by unnoticed by people. Get used to it. Even the famous go through periods of time where they vanish from the spotlight. You can spot the “needy” ones from a mile away with their publicity stunts, sudden shifts to non-conforming behavior and spreading gossip about others.
3. Validation seeking limits your self growth
There is only one person in the world that you need validation from. Look in the mirror and have a heart to heart conversation with them. They know you better than you think.
When you seek external validation it devalues your opinion. It causes you to conform to others and not walk the path that you are destined to pave. Eventually the unique life form that you are will slowly fade into oblivion.
When you eradicate validation seeking behavior from your life you will change for the better. Your schedule will begin to clear up. Your social circle will include people that challenge your opinion. They may have completely opposing beliefs from you, yet have a deep sense of appreciation for your authenticity. Most importantly you will feel joy knowing that you require validation from no-one but yourself.
“What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others” – Confucius